New to this

Hi everyone,

This is my first blog.  I'll be blogging about things that are on my mind.

I suffer from mental illness.  I've been given the diagnosis of schizophrenia in 2010, but problems arose earlier in my life.  The diagnosis to me was the starting point of my recovery.  Allthough these days the positive symptoms of schizophrenia (delusions, hallucinations and thought disorder) are more or less under control, i still have to take medication (abilify = antipsychotic and sipralexa = antidepressant).

The reason why i'm making this blog is mainly because there is so much misunderstanding surrounding schizophrenia.  Unlike popular belief, people who suffer from this illness (about 1 percent of the population), are not violent and don't have multiple personalities.  Schizophrenia however is often characterized as a split from reality.  An imbalance in the brain that leads to hallucinations and delusions when untreated for me, aswell as other symptoms.  Also i believe that writing is therapeutical to me.

I've currently chosen to stay anonymous.  This might change in the future, when i feel more comfortable. Anonimity at this stage allows me to state the things that are on my mind, without being inhibited by paranoia.

Currently i'm working in a laundry as a factory hand, because my condition doesn't permit me to work as a biochemist/biotechnologist anymore.  I have a bad concentration span these days, social anxiety (characterized by a poverty of speech, called alogia) and the antipsychotic meds are messing with my fine motor skills.  According to the doctors my condition has been present from the time i was asked to stop my PhD in 2006.

I travelled during 3 years in Australia (I'm from Belgium), where i had my psychotic break, which caused me to run out of money abroad.  Luckily I met my ex boyfriend who took me off the street back then.

My first psychosis became apparent to my doctor since I came to him, asking for a blood check.  I believed my co workers had put drugs in my coffee.  I was hallucinating and suffering from delusions at the time. Later on i had a car crash, believing i was James Bond and needed to save the world.

However, when i look back, my decline into psychosis was gradual.  I slowly but steadily lost my ability to work, study,...  and developed beliefs which were not based in reality... if only i had had a good support network (which was unavailable, while backpacking), maybe my symptoms would have been adressed earlier and unnecessary suffering could have been avoided.

Early intervention in psychosis is key to a succesfull recovery.  If you doubt that anyone in your surroundings is suffering from psychosis, please seek help from a professional (like a psychiatrist) as soon as possible. This  is partly why I write about this topic.  For too long, mental health has not been talked about, because of shame and stigma, this leads to people not getting the help they need for way too long.

Today with medication I can lead a normal life again allthough I had to re-adjust my goals.  I work, but don't live independently.  Recovery is a work in progress.  I still have to fight misconceptions about mental illness, even from close family (who are trying to be supportive in their own way, and i really am greatfull for their support) and friends.  It's hard for close relatives to see the devastating effects this illnes has on a family member, causing some of them to escape into denial.  This - however well intended - is detrimental for my recovery at the moment.  To be concrete, I should be encouraged to take my meds and start therapy, not be told I can do without etc.  Don't worry... I stick to my meds, allthough i could do with psychotherapy because in real life i have no one to talk to about my problems.

This is enough for a first post.

I would like to get feedback.  Questions and suggestions are allways welcome.

Thank you very much in advance